NOV 28 Baby Wipes

Today, I am thankful for baby wipes.

Those days of crusty, baby-butt bottoms are gone, thanks, in part, to moist towelettes in handy, moist-preserving containers known as baby wipes, or as I like to call them, ASS WIPERS!

BAWs, Baby Ass Wipers, a generalized term.

If it's cleaning a baby's butt (BB), it's called a baby wipe. If it's cleaning your adult ass (AA), it's called an ass wiper. But for this blog post, let us call them baby ass wipers, or simply BAWs.

Not only do BAWs clean baby butt, and AA, very well, it also cleans puppy dog butt, too! How exciting! (Not really.)

Just because it's cute, doesn't mean it's not stinky.

BAWs really are the better choice for cleaning. They just moisten things up and make it easier to clean up any dry residue. When you've had too much Mexican food and you're fighting World War III inside your stomach, BAWs are a gentle, cool, refreshing cleanse on your burning butt. You may have to air it out for a little while to let it dry, otherwise, you won't know if you've had a "little accident" again. Even if you don't have babies, you can carry your own BAWs in fashionable cases that make it more acceptable for all.

Is that a coin purse? "No! It's a fashionable Vera Bradley BAWs clutch purse. I hear Gucci makes one too."

BAWs clean so well that you can use them on anything: cleaning a public toilet seat before you sit on it; removing food stains from your clothes; conditioning your leather sofas; they make your shoes shiny again; Dexter uses them to remove blood stains; even hazardous chemical spills are no match for BAWs. In fact, I believe OSHA has now included BAWs in their recommended format for Material Safety Data Sheets.

Don't ask what is in BAWs. Just know that they work. Don't go concocting your own secret recipe for homemade BAWs...

Because somebody will do this...

And somebody will have an accident with that knife.

You'll be too busy admiring your own concoction, thinking of marketing plans to help distribute your product to the four corners of the world...

You think baby is amazed at your homemade BAWs.

Meanwhile, baby gives you a reality check...

"Meh! I wasn't impressed."

Don't let baby give you a reality check. Just spend your money on over-priced designer BAWs clutch purses. Because somebody HAS designed them, and somebody IS going to buy them.

BLAHG you later!