DEC 22, 2012

Well, we thought we would never see this day, but here we are, December 22, 2012, one day after the Mayan prophesy end-of-the-world date.

The Mayan Prophecy...epic fail, or is it?

For some, it is a great relief. For others, it strengthens the appreciation for life.

For a few, it is a disappointment, especially for those who were carelessly living life like it was their last day, only to realize that they shouldn't have sold all their belongings and told their boss to take their crappy job and shove it up their ass! Not only are these people homeless, penniless, and jobless, now, but they probably have the worst hangover of their life because they thought they wouldn't make it to the next morning. These few are just trying to make it to decent Port-A-Potty so they can relieve themselves.

For the procrastinators who thought they would get out of doing Christmas shopping and were hoping for the Mayan prophesy to be fulfilled, you're shit out of luck. Best of luck--if that's even possible--to you as you head out to the malls this weekend for some late Christmas shopping.

I'm sure your local shopping mall will be as joyful and serene as advertisers make it out to be. Maybe it will even be fun...NOT!

Welcome to every mall in America this weekend.

You're going to wish the world really had ended on December 21st because now you will experience the full onslaught of zombie shopper's dumbassity.

"I saw that toy first. It's mine!"

I'll be the one wearing the yellow hat at the mall, IF I can make it into the mall. (I'm buying a taser gun first then going shopping at the mall.)

What if the Mayans were correct in their end-of-the-world prophecy? Maybe, it just happened that the genius Mayan that was working on the calendar also happened to be the only Mayan with dyslexia. Could the true date for the end of the world be 12/12/21 or 12/21/21?

Who knows? Right now I've got bigger problems. I've got to go Christmas shopping!!!

BLAHG you later!

Dog Conversation

The other day, I overheard a conversation my pups were having. Apparently, it was in regard to when I walk away from the table and leave my food unattended.

"You there, why do you follow him when the food is over here?"

"Because he is going to give me some of his food."

"Yes. But the food is over here, NOT with him."

"I know, but he's going to give me some food."

"He doesn't have the food when he walks away! It's over here!"

"Huh?"

"Sometimes I wonder about you."

"Thhhhwtt"

"Wait, so he doesn't have the food when he walks away?"

BLAHG you later!

Terrierists

I harbor two terrierists. Both dangerous, vicious, and on somebody's most wanted list. There's a price on their head (only when they make me really angry)...sometimes for a discount. The world (of rodents and pussy cats) will not be a safe place until they are captured.

FIRST on the list is the mastermind, Lilly. She is wanted for masterminding everything that the other terrierist gets in trouble for. You really can't blame her, though. She IS the smarter one. (He, on the other hand...well, like the saying goes, ignorance is bliss, and he lives a very blissful life.) She has set him up to get in trouble, then she hides under the bed laughing her ass off. I know because I hear her giggling.

"Did you just sass me?"

She was last seen next to me. She doesn't leave my side. It's like I birthed her out of my ass and the umbilical cord is still attached to both of us. (It's a long and stretchy umbilical cord, too.)

She told me that she wants to let her hair grow out so that next Halloween she can dress up as Chewbacca.

I told her that I would let her hair grow out, but I would style it in a messed up way and buy her a little Hawaiian shirt so that she could go as Nick Nolte's mug shot. She's still thinking about it.

SECOND on the most wanted list is Eli (alias Chino, aka Pinche Perro Cabron), highly sought out by the government's Homeland Security Agency (and by that I mean the dog pound because he likes to run away).

Police artist sketch of the perpetrator. 

This terrierist has no respect for authority. These mug shot photos from his first capture (yes, he has managed to escape again) are proof of his disdain for the law. He truly believes that he is above the law. Even though he is marked for death, he is hard to kill. Some say he is out for justice as he roams on deadly ground.

He managed to fool the authority figures into thinking that he would change his ways as he looked them straight in their eyes.

As soon as the authority figures looked away, his rebel, wild, disrespectful side showed its ugly face...and pink tongue.

He was last seen taking a nap. Don't be fooled, as soon as he finds an open door, he will make a prison break run for it. Unless it's a glass door, then he'll just run right into the glass thinking that there was no door at all. (Like I said, he lives a very blissful life.)

He is a werewolf at heart. No fear!!!

Please do not approach these dangerous terrierists if you see them. Actually, Lilly won't be out there because, more than likely, she will be next to me jumping umbilical cord. Chino, on the other hand, will be out there someday running wild. Do not approach him, unless he is crossing the street like he is a kamikaze squirrel and is surely going to get hit by a car. Then PLEASE catch him. Even cats wonder how he manages to have more lives than they do.

BLAHG you later!

DEC 2 Survival

Today, I am thankful for survival.

Ok, I'm just kidding. November is over and my daily-thanks blogging is officially done. I managed to survive that month-long ordeal. Now, I can go back to blogging sporadically whenever I feel like it.

So much is involved when blogging on a daily basis, like words. There are so many of them when you write. It's exhausting using words in the right context. It's even more draining creating new words, like dumbassity. I'll use it in a sentence. Your dumbassity is the reason you think that wearing your saggy pants below your ass makes you look cool, dumb ass!

Even worse still, saggy skinny jeans.

I actually enjoyed blogging on a daily basis, despite it being arduous at times. I may try it more often now, but not on a daily basis. Of course, I'm just saying this because, according to the Mayan Calendar prophesy, the end of the world is on December 21, 2012. That means there are 19 days left to live; blogging every other day, that's 9 days of writing (much better than the 30 days in November); and probably working the rest of those days so that my tax money can go to the dumb ass zombies who can't even climb a fence. (And, why can't the humans just drive over the onslaught of slow-moving zombies?)

Maybe I should just prepare for zombiegeddon. (You see? That word just took a lot out of me to create.) I will keep you posted on the progress of my zombie preparations.

In more creative news, I've got a fever, and the only remedy for it is more COWBELL!

BLAHG you later!