NOV 6 Sarcasm

Today, I am thankful for sarcasm.

I found these on the internet. (Credit goes to whoever posted them. Thank you.) I think they capture sarcasm in the way I want to describe it.

My favorite one thus far. 

I think these are self explanatory. But if you are having trouble understanding them, send me an email and I'll be happy to spend one hour on each explaining its meaning to you. Seriously, I will. (Insert sarcastic tone, or, if they ever create one, a sarcastic font.)

BLAHG you later!

NOV 5 Foaming Hand Soap

Today, I am thankful for foaming hand soap.

Time is valuable, and right behind it is this genius invention, foaming hand soap. How many times have you found yourself in front of a bathroom sink indecisive between wasting one minute of your busy life washing your hands or not washing your hands at all?

A time-saver for when you barely have time to relieve yourself.

Well, be indecisive no more! Foaming hand soap eliminates the need for vigorous hand-rubbing when washing your hands, saving you precious seconds of your life for other useless, time-wasting activities that take higher priority than hygiene. The instant foam makes us feel like we've done the hard work, but without the time-consuming process it requires.

Now if only there was a way to buy these and have them magically show up at my doorstep. I wouldn't have to waste my time driving to the store, fighting through crowds, standing at the checkout counter, and driving back home. Instead, I could use that time to sit on my couch and catch up on all my favorite recorded TV shows that I don't have time to watch.

BLAHG you later!

NOV 4 Flashlights

Today, I am thankful for flashlights.

Yes, flashlights. They just brighten things up. They let you see the end of the tunnel, even its sides. We've come a long way from using torches to see at night. The best part about flashlights is that they are getting better; longer battery life, more powerful light beam with less energy use, smaller in size.

You can never have too many flashlights or anything with a flashing light.

Let's face it. I don't think an oil lamp strapped to my forehead is the best way to illuminate those dark crevices around the house. That would just look silly. Not to mention that telling ghost stories using a candle under my nose is just asking for trouble...stinky, burnt, nose-hair trouble! (I do NOT recommend using candles.)

BLAHG you later!

NOV 3 Port-A-Potties

Today, I am thankful for Port-A-Potties.

The only thing worse than sitting on a toilet and realizing you're out of toilet paper, is NEEDING a toilet and none are around. We've all been in that desperate situation when Port-A-Potties become our best friend.

Port-A-Potties, NOT a place for pick-up lines.

Sure, it starts with the typical snooty response of, "Eeew, those are dirty and smelly! I'll wait for a real bathroom." But after many beers and an oversupply of malted grain and hops, your body is brewing its own special cocktail and it is getting ready to deliver it NOW! Suddenly, you realize that the Port-A-Potty you were spurning earlier is now you're only savior from this ticking time-bomb inside of you.

But now, you're only wishing it wasn't so far away. Every step you take ticks off a second from the time clock. The faster you go, the faster the countdown to EXPLOSION time. Everything is moving in slow motion for you at this moment. This is when negotiations with God begin. "Please God, I'll do such and such if you get me in that Port-A-Potty in time, PLEASE! Why did I wear white pants?!"

Couples can share this one.

Looks like a normal port-a-potty on the outside...

...But it's so spacious on the inside, it's luxurious.

Once the Port-A-Potty has saved you from societal embarrassment and are now obligated to fulfill some promise to God that you are starting to have second thoughts about, remember this, Port-A-Potties deserve respect. They take shit from you all the time, and they don't complain about it. Next time you see one, high-five it. Or shake its door handle. First, just make sure that nobody is in there thanking God that their white pants are still white.

BLAHG you later!

NOV 1 & 2

Hello One,

Welcome to November. We are now closer to the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar. So, in honor of our inevitable dooms-day, and the traditional Today-I-Am-Thankful-For November month, I will be doing a daily Thankful-For blog this month.

Obviously, I will be keeping these short because there are so many days in the month, like thirty or something. That's a lot of writing and thinking for one month. I will post pictures too, if available.

Today, I will post two things that I am thankful for because it's already the second day, and I'm already behind.

NOV 1 Light Armband

Today, (yesterday) I am thankful for light running armbands.

Not only do I become visible to all the crazy-ass drivers at night, they are great as dog collars (for small dogs at least). They light up my puppy dog in the dark, making it easier to spot her pooping on the neighbors lawn. I trained her well.

Thank you creators of light running armbands

NOV 2 Procrastination

Today, I am thankful for procrastination. I'll tell you more about it later.

BLAHG you later!